Happy BIRTHHHHDAYYYY to MEEEEE!!! Man, it is great to be alive today!!! For my birthday, Mom made me a big chocolate cake, yeah. I took a slice into work but the Sausage Thief pilfered it. Yeah, I know. See, recently at work there has been a thief floating around, probably ninja-style, stealing food. He stole eight and a half sausages, he took half of John's Vanilla Slice, and took a big bite out of Brian's Ham. Anyhow, my point is, the Ninja Food Thief took my chocolate cake.
Luckily, the manager leapt in to action and displayed this notice on the board in the canteen;
To all staff members,
I regret to report that there is a thief currently at work in the building, and so far he or she has pilfered eight and a half sausages, vanilla slices, ham and some cornflakes. This situation must be stopped. We have involved the police, who we believe take a very dim light on cases like these (Steve's Dad knows, he's a copper). Everybody is a suspect, except Caroline, who is vegetarian, and Maria, who is anorexic. Any information will be rewarded with a hamper full of sausages, ham and pastries.
Anyway, whatever. Here is a useful tip for remembering how to spell the name 'Deirdre'; I before E except after C, and Deirdre. I learned that the hard way, through memory alone.
It is great to be old!!! I get to say stuff like 'I told you so' the whole time.
