Life

[Bjorn]

So I know next to nothing about Tinder (other than its a dating/hook up app), and this just sent me down a rabbit hole of reading articles about it over my lunch hour. Dammit, I think I'm getting old, realizing just how super out of touch I am with some trends. Found this article the most interesting:
 

  Quote

Tinder’s engagement is staggering. The company said that, on average, people log into the app 11 times a day. Women spend as much as 8.5 minutes swiping left and right during a single session; men spend 7.2 minutes. All of this can add up to 90 minutes each day.

 

Oh man, there are also social gossip apps. That has to be the bestworstbest thing. They're probably terrible, and even potentially harmful, but fuck, I want to check that out.  I really am a terrible human being in some areas. 

[Apple Cider]

  On 1/21/2015 at 6:01 PM, Bjorn said:

I've occasionally heard that from women, was the couples thing really that pervasive on dating sites/services in your experience? I'm a decade+ removed from using one, and am a dude besides, so no frame of reference. It would seem like swinging would be the way easier route with that, but I suppose some people (read, probably dudes) wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Absolutely. Couples who wanted a third to "spice up" their marriage, poly couples looking for a mutual third (I have never, ever listed myself as poly), etc. Even when I was listed as JUST looking for friends (really) people still kept propositioning me because I am bisexual. 

[Bjorn]

  On 1/21/2015 at 6:52 PM, Apple Cider said:

Absolutely. Couples who wanted a third to "spice up" their marriage, poly couples looking for a mutual third (I have never, ever listed myself as poly), etc. Even when I was listed as JUST looking for friends (really) people still kept propositioning me because I am bisexual.

 

Yeah, I suppose that shouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I remember hanging out with one of my best friends at a lesbian bar, and seeing the occasional awkward couple who would come in, clearly looking for a third. That would always piss her off to no end. If even a few couples are willing to be that brazen in person, there have to be bunches more willing to do be that way online. And something like Tinder has to make it even worse, with attempting to distill the initial interaction/reaction into as small a time frame as possible.

[Badfinger]

I 100% got started on Tinder one day because I wanted a laugh. It leads to an overwhelming desire to swipe right on everyone, because it's way more interesting that way. There still has to be a mutual agreement to start a conversation, which is intriguing but often less interesting. It's really kind of weird to see how many profiles say "I won't message first" or "I'm going to enjoy swiping left" when the app, unlike other social meeting platforms, puts you 100% in control of the available population that can talk to you. It's also boring to get a match and then not have them say anything.

[Nachimir]

I actually had a bit of success with OK Cupid this past week by treating it more like Tinder: Clicking "like" going solely off pictures, and only reading profiles later if it turned out to be mutual. That feels like it maps more readily to natural meatspace behaviour, and it got a few conversations going.

[JonCole]

I wish there was a Tinder specifically for meeting friends. As far as I know outside of sites like Meetup that are for organizing events or recurring groups, there really isn't anything of that nature that exists. And everything I've heard from everyone ever is that using a dating app and just selecting "making friends" doesn't communicate anything since you're using a dating app.

[Apple Cider]

Yeah, I really need a platonic friends app, really badly. It's so hard to meet people in my city since I am not a college student, not similar with work cohorts, etc. 

[Twig]

Agreed that'd be a really cool thing to have!

 

I'm a programmer I guess I'll do it ehehehe.

[Professor Video Games]

  On 1/21/2015 at 7:16 PM, Bjorn said:

Yeah, I suppose that shouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I remember hanging out with one of my best friends at a lesbian bar, and seeing the occasional awkward couple who would come in, clearly looking for a third. That would always piss her off to no end. If even a few couples are willing to be that brazen in person, there have to be bunches more willing to do be that way online. And something like Tinder has to make it even worse, with attempting to distill the initial interaction/reaction into as small a time frame as possible.

 

I just reopened my okcupid account a week or two ago (happy new year!) and yeah I see a lot of girls' profiles have big disclaimers saying they aren't looking for hookups or threesomes or whatever. It's gotta be the worst having to weed through all that garbage. Actually I'm supposed to meet up with someone from there next week...ugh dating is the worst.

 

I haven't used Tinder since it pulls only from Facebook pictures, which I almost never use, so with the exception of some Halloween pics there's nothing of me on there from the past several years and I don't feel like randomly putting up some shitty selfies. Maybe I should just get over it so that I can be one of the cool kids.

[Twig]

I added some photos to Facebook for that exact reason, and I made them private to only me - Tinder can still grab them for usage, so it worked out. I don't have to spam Facebook friends with shitty photos. Hurray!

[SuperBiasedMan]

I can do android apps, let's team up Twig!

Though I do wonder what has to be done to actually make such a thing truly safe from people turning it to dating/sex.

[Twig]

Yeah I dunno. Report button doesn't seem like enough. It'd certainly be abused to hell and back, probably by the same people who abuse Tinder/OKC/etc...

 

Could be a little devious... Have an option that people can select to say they're looking for casual sex, and then only match them up with like thousands of fake profiles that never like them back, so they never get to communicate. That'd only work against the honest ones, though, hah.

 

EDIT: Actually some percentage of them should like back, but then not respond.

[Professor Video Games]

  On 1/21/2015 at 9:31 PM, Twig said:

I added some photos to Facebook for that exact reason, and I made them private to only me - Tinder can still grab them for usage, so it worked out. I don't have to spam Facebook friends with shitty photos. Hurray!

 

Oh I didn't think of that. Time to start swiping I guess.

[SuperBiasedMan]

  On 1/21/2015 at 9:38 PM, Twig said:

EDIT: Actually some percentage of them should like back, but then not respond.

And occasionally if you try to message them, they'll just unmatch you.

I also thought of the best terrible and quite 90s name for it, the Friend Zone.

[syntheticgerbil]

Congratulations Sosobiasedman!

[Justin Leego]

Great news SB! Tremendous.

[ihavefivehat]

  On 1/21/2015 at 1:19 PM, SuperBiasedMan said:

 a pair of shoes that won't fall apart after 2 months and some dental treatment. 

 

You're literally living my dream right now. congrats, man!

[Twig]

  On 1/21/2015 at 10:59 PM, SuperBiasedMan said:

Friend Zone.

Niiiice I like it. I also hate it.

[Nachimir]

Oh I'm all for something appropriating "friend zone"

http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2615

[Twig]

Haha yeah.

 

I love Dinosaur Comics. O:

[osmosisch]

  On 1/21/2015 at 10:59 PM, SuperBiasedMan said:

And occasionally if you try to message them, they'll just unmatch you.

I also thought of the best terrible and quite 90s name for it, the Friend Zone.

That was my first thought as well. It Must Be So.

Or you can be more current and call it frndstr.io

[SuperBiasedMan]

But friend.zone is still available for only $39

[osmosisch]

  On 1/22/2015 at 3:27 PM, SuperBiasedMan said:

But friend.zone is still available for only $39

I am hovering (dot com) over the buy button for platonic.click

[Bjorn]

  On 1/22/2015 at 3:27 PM, SuperBiasedMan said:

But friend.zone is still available for only $39

 

Dammit, I don't need another domain. But that is so, so, so tempting.

[MrHoatzin]

I understand that at different times in their lives people are looking for different kinds of relationships with different formats of commitment. Some people just can't wing it, and that's cool. But the more I think about it, the more I'm as knee-jerkilly annoyed by people who self-righteously groan at polyamoury as they are at my supposed moral failings and apriori assumed creepery.

It's great that you're exclusively into the patriarchal property arrangement view of relationships and all, but in my experience most people don't ever really think about having different kinds of relationships with different degrees of intimacy with different people concurrently because it is such a huge taboo, everyone is sour at the idea and there's no role models out there. How does one figure out you might be up for it if not by asking?

This is the same kind of tone macho dudes get when a gay guy approaches them—as if being solicited by The Other taints them in any way at all. HOW DARE HE ASSUME SUCH HORRORS ABOUT MY CHARACTER, etc.