ObjectiveGameReviews.com - A Subtle Journey of Discovery

[Justin Leego]

Oh man imagine if it was all a joke.

[SilentBtAmazing]

  On 3/1/2014 at 10:01 AM, bkbroiler said:

This twitter link has been posted twice.

Hilarious both times!

[Architecture]

You really need some objective video content as well.

[TychoCelchuuu]

  On 3/1/2014 at 8:17 PM, Architecture said:

You really need some objective video content as well.

If someone can find me a free (or cheap) text to speech program I'll start up a YouTube channel for the site.

[Ben X]

http://www.howtogeek.com/125305/the-best-text-to-speech-tts-software-programs-and-online-tools/

[TychoCelchuuu]

Thoughts?

[Brannigan]

Volume is a little low.  Definitely need the voice to read the score at the end too.

[Twig]

I love it but I also sorta wish it didn't exist because it makes the joke all the more obvious. But I also love it.

 

Also I want that game, so OGR just sold a game to me.

[TychoCelchuuu]

So the EA person whose email I found at the end of a press release who I emailed to ask for a Titanfall review code hasn't gotten back to me, which I guess makes me 0/2 when it comes to AAA games (whereas I'm doing much better with indie games). Meanwhile people keep searching "thief" on my site's search bar and I don't think posting a review of 1998's hit stealth-em-up "Thief" is going to mollify them, which makes me tempted to buy Thief to review it. There are two issues, though:

1) I feel sort of bad getting a bunch of indie games for free (The Yawhg people sent me The Yawhg, for instance!) and then fucking buying AAA games. Like, holy shit is that the wrong way around. Guess who actually needs the money?

2) I can't just buy every AAA game to review it. That's too much money! The reason I don't feel quite as bad about getting all these indie games for free is that frankly there's no way I could even have bought all the indie games I've been given. Even when some of them are like, $5, the combination of the volume of games plus me not having any money plus this site already being deep in the red mean that there's no way this thing would be sustainable if I had to buy everything I review. Which means I don't really want to start a precedent by buying, say, Thief, which normally I would either not bother with or pick it up when it's on sale.

I think I might just end up taking the path of least resistance, which is buy the AAA games I would've bought anyways and just not review games I don't get review copies of. So I might buy Titanfall since I'm pretty interested in that outside the context of reviewing it (I buy multiplayer games when they're released rather than waiting for a sale). But still, I do feel a bit yucky giving EA $60 when I can't spare $5 for the dude who (re)made Paragon.

[Professor Video Games]

If it's just a single cut of gameplay footage over the review, what is the video format really adding? I think some editing to make the video go with the dialogue in some way would improve it...showing the inane items/sounds as they are listed off and things like that. I'd also say an extremely monotone human voice might be worth trying out instead of the robo-voice...you know, to really demonstrate the human objectivity involved here (robo-voice is also good, just something to consider).

[Merus]

  On 3/2/2014 at 4:54 AM, TychoCelchuuu said:

1) I feel sort of bad getting a bunch of indie games for free (The Yawhg people sent me The Yawhg, for instance!) and then fucking buying AAA games. Like, holy shit is that the wrong way around. Guess who actually needs the money?

 

 

What indies need more than money is exposure. If they sink a copy of their game into trying to drum up some press, and more than one person is convinced to buy the game based on the review, then they've got a 100% rate of return on that copy.

 

They're probably also willing to spend a copy of their game to get a laugh. They know you're probably not going to shit on their game.

[Ben X]

Re. spending money on AAA games: perhaps you could put a note on the site (plus put it at the bottom of the failed search results page) saying that you will only review games that you haven't spent money on as that will ensure objectivity. Therefore, if someone wants to see a review of a game and you haven't been provided with a review copy. they can either hassle the [publisher?] on Twitter or buy you a copy.

 

Re. the video: I like it, and don't think editing is a good idea - it goes against objectivity. If anything, I think you should record your first playthrough (or at least what seems to be), including splash screens and settings menus, and present that unedited.

[TychoCelchuuu]

The "we only review games we haven't bought" thing is an interesting idea, although from the mercenary perspective of "will it actually work" I'm a little doubtful - I suspect the people who want to see reviews of, say, Thief on the site don't want it badly enough to bother harassing the publisher or buying a copy for the site. Plus I would have to stipulate that this policy is only for new games, because as I fill out the back catalog I'm of course reviewing games I bought at one point.

[Erkki]

I didn't like the video:

 

1) makes joke more obvious

2) too long, esp. considering the footage was repeating - at some point I was just watching a video of TTS engine reading me text instead of reading at my own pace.

3) text didn't match that well with gameplay video

 

I think a monotone human voice might be worth trying, but it could also be funny if you could somehow make TTS engine do funny stuff (maybe have it read slightly modified text than what is displayed e.g. play with pauses or something).

 

Mainly I would make video reviews shorter because "a picture is worth a 1000 words" and a moving picture is even more so you need less actual words than in a text review.

[TychoCelchuuu]

We are now on the "request list" for a Titanfall review copy, whatever that means. I suspect that, like the Review Grid, it is a formless entity that eats review quests in a more polite way than saying "no," but we shall see! It's interesting timing too because the site got mentioned in this thread on NeoGAF about Titanfall like, right when I sent the email asking for a review copy.

[TychoCelchuuu]

WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT

http://east.paxsite.com/schedule/panel/keep-your-opinion-to-yourself-the-myth-of-the-objective-game-review

Please tell me one of you is going to be there and is going to mention this site.

[Justin Leego]

Say what you like, postmodernism is still rooted in modernist values. One way or another, these guys are still playing for your team, Tycho.

[Architecture]

I bet Arthur Gies has some absolutely stupid things to say on this subject.

[Bjorn]

Bonus points if you wear a trenchcoat and fedora when you point out the brilliance of Objective Video Game Reviews.

 

What I would actually like to do is question them about why there is so little good games criticism in the mainstream gaming sites.  It seems like having a panel on objective reviews is a good way to not talk about the ways that their sites actually do fail their audiences.

[ihavefivehat]

I wonder how one would assert their opinion as to the superiority of objective reviews without resorting to non-objectivity.

[tegan]

  On 3/15/2014 at 5:59 PM, Bjorn said:

Bonus points if you wear a trenchcoat and fedora when you point out the brilliance of Objective Video Game Reviews.

 

And a My Little Pony shirt.

[BusbyBerkeley]

  On 3/15/2014 at 4:40 PM, TychoCelchuuu said:

WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT

http://east.paxsite.com/schedule/panel/keep-your-opinion-to-yourself-the-myth-of-the-objective-game-review

Please tell me one of you is going to be there and is going to mention this site.

Haha, I love that they need to have a panel to explain what a review is and what critics are for. video games!

[TychoCelchuuu]

Desktop Dungeons is the third game to feature an Objective Game Reviews blurb on its Steam storefront page!!!!

Now that the site has three featured blurbs I think I'm going to make a "games that blurb us on Steam" page for the site so I can passive aggressively pressure other devs into featuring the site on their Steam page.

[JonCole]

  On 3/19/2014 at 5:58 AM, TychoCelchuuu said:

Desktop Dungeons is the third game to feature an Objective Game Reviews blurb on its Steam storefront page!!!!

Now that the site has three featured blurbs I think I'm going to make a "games that blurb us on Steam" page for the site so I can passive aggressively pressure other devs into featuring the site on their Steam page.

 

You're just objectively pointing out that your review is mentioned on a Steam page.

[dibs]

Haha, that is amazing.

 

I can't solve those puzzles:(